30

Tomorrow is the day... I will be 30... I have mixed feelings about this one. None of the other "milestone" birthdays bothered me. 16, 21, 25... But 30... There was so many thing that I had wanted to have by the time I was 30. A husband, a family(or close to having one), a career. And really none of that has happened yet. No not really, absolutely none of that has happened yet. I am at a point in my life where I am not very happy with how things have turned out. I truly believe God spoke to me that the next ten years will be better than my last ten years and for that I am so grateful. One the one hand I am not sad to say good-bye to my twenties. They were filled with confusion, turmoil, and and lot of wandering. The last couple years I finally began to feel like I was getting my life on track and things were turning around. But of course it's never easy and I feel a certain "attack" as I think about turning 30. I do not like my job. I like what I do but not where I am at. I don't know if it' time to move on or if it's me being tested. That was something else I learned in my twenties... moving when you shouldn't.. I think I am so afraid I am going to made another mistake that I don't do anything, and what if I'm now making a mistake because I was supposed to leave. Well, I don't know where this year will take me but all I can say is I am standing on the promises that God gave me and one was that my next ten years will be better than my last and the other one was that God would send me the one to stand by my side and we would be a mighty team together. So those are the two things I am counting on this year! I am believing that this is the beginning of the best years of my life!!

Indiana Sunrise

I love the sunrises in Indiana! This was driving on the way to church one Sunday Afternoon.

Waiting

           I feel as though I am in a perpetual waiting room…only my number isn’t being called. I watch and wait seeing all these other women step in front of me wearing smiles and basking in the glory of eternal bliss. I still sit... I begin to reflect on why haven’t I had my turn yet. Surely there is someone that is out there that is just right for me. I am not a difficult person to get along with. 

          So as I sit and wait some more I begin to go over… no, not my good point, but all the things I find wrong with myself. Could it be??? Maybe… What about???? I suppose some guys care about that.  When I finish my list which seems to carry on forever I then go and begin to figure out how I can fix myself or change myself… Maybe if I do this then they’ll notice me.. Or if I change that I can get his attention. I bet if I wear a certain color then I’ll definitely catch his eye… but no matter how many times I go over that list, or how many things I want to change about myself the simple fact remains… I see him from afar and how could he notice me within the enormous sea of people. I feel insignificant… unworthy…alone and… still waiting.

Spring is almost here!

The view outside my back door. You can't see it but there are flurries blowing all around.

February

I have been trying and trying to get back on here and it seems something is always keeping me away. I plan to fix that now... Well February was a hard month. It was more like a roller coaster, everyday was an up or down until I felt like I would be sick. I am actually glad that month is over. Now it's March and I'm looking forward to it! With March comes the hope of Spring and spring weather right around the corner. I live in Northwest Indiana, so it can go either way. We have had an awesome winter because it has been so mild. Now as I sit here and look out my window there are flurries dancing wildly through the air. Thankfully, the wind continues to blow them farther away instead of allowing them to gather on my lawn. Just yesterday afternoon we had thunderstorms... at least here you can't get bored with the weather

Verse of the Day

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Ephesians, so I picked that for my verse of the day today.

I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding so that you might grow in knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future he has promised to those he called. I want you to realize what a rich and glorious inheritance he has given to his people.
I pray that you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in a place of honor at God's right hand in the heavenly realms. Now he is far above any ruler or authority, or power or leader or anything else in this world or in the world to come. And God has put all things under the authority of Christ, and he gave him this authority for the benefit of our church. And the church is his body; it is filled by Christ who fills everything everywhere with his presence.
                                                                           Ephesians 1:16-23 (NLT)

New Year, New Me

The New year has finally arrived and I couldn't be happier. 2011 was a year full of chaos and never ending battles. My inspiration board is still on my wall and as I look at it I wonder if I accomplished anything I set out to do last year. Every year seems to start the same. I am excited and optimistic about what the future holds for me. But as the year progresses the battles that start seem unyielding and unending. I get weighed down by the stress and find myself getting tired thinking why hasn't anything changed? What am I doing wrong? I resolved this year not to make any official resolutions. But my sister and I have determined that this year will be about completely Reinventing ourselves! As I leave the last year behind with all its trials and tribulations I look forward to a bright future of finding out who I am in God, my Father and creator. I am reinventing myself Spiritually,mentally, and physically. And, I don't mean in the bad way. I'm not changing me, but more finding out Who I am, becoming confident in who I am and what God has called me to be. I felt like last year God told me that my next ten years would be better than my last ten years, and as I stand on the brink of being thirty I am receiving that proclamation wholeheartedly. My twenties were spent wandering around in turmoil and confusion and I finally feel like now I have gotten myself to where I can start turning things around. 2012 will be a Great year for me. I am getting everything in my life in order, my finances, my relationships, and my self esteem. And as long as I rely on Him(as I should have more last year) I know this will be a year to remember.  :)