30

Tomorrow is the day... I will be 30... I have mixed feelings about this one. None of the other "milestone" birthdays bothered me. 16, 21, 25... But 30... There was so many thing that I had wanted to have by the time I was 30. A husband, a family(or close to having one), a career. And really none of that has happened yet. No not really, absolutely none of that has happened yet. I am at a point in my life where I am not very happy with how things have turned out. I truly believe God spoke to me that the next ten years will be better than my last ten years and for that I am so grateful. One the one hand I am not sad to say good-bye to my twenties. They were filled with confusion, turmoil, and and lot of wandering. The last couple years I finally began to feel like I was getting my life on track and things were turning around. But of course it's never easy and I feel a certain "attack" as I think about turning 30. I do not like my job. I like what I do but not where I am at. I don't know if it' time to move on or if it's me being tested. That was something else I learned in my twenties... moving when you shouldn't.. I think I am so afraid I am going to made another mistake that I don't do anything, and what if I'm now making a mistake because I was supposed to leave. Well, I don't know where this year will take me but all I can say is I am standing on the promises that God gave me and one was that my next ten years will be better than my last and the other one was that God would send me the one to stand by my side and we would be a mighty team together. So those are the two things I am counting on this year! I am believing that this is the beginning of the best years of my life!!

Indiana Sunrise

I love the sunrises in Indiana! This was driving on the way to church one Sunday Afternoon.

Waiting

           I feel as though I am in a perpetual waiting room…only my number isn’t being called. I watch and wait seeing all these other women step in front of me wearing smiles and basking in the glory of eternal bliss. I still sit... I begin to reflect on why haven’t I had my turn yet. Surely there is someone that is out there that is just right for me. I am not a difficult person to get along with. 

          So as I sit and wait some more I begin to go over… no, not my good point, but all the things I find wrong with myself. Could it be??? Maybe… What about???? I suppose some guys care about that.  When I finish my list which seems to carry on forever I then go and begin to figure out how I can fix myself or change myself… Maybe if I do this then they’ll notice me.. Or if I change that I can get his attention. I bet if I wear a certain color then I’ll definitely catch his eye… but no matter how many times I go over that list, or how many things I want to change about myself the simple fact remains… I see him from afar and how could he notice me within the enormous sea of people. I feel insignificant… unworthy…alone and… still waiting.