Interview Night

So, I wasn’t going to write anything tonight because I was so tired and exhausted from starting full time work again and being stressed about my interview tonight, but since I’ve been tossing and turning for the last 45 minutes I figured maybe I better right down how I was feeling to get it out and hopefully help me to sleep better.

 I am no fan of interviews.  I was so nervous before my interview I was praying for God to give me peace. I honestly thought I was going to throw up. I hadn’t anticipated the number of people involved in this process and when you walk into a room with 5 people you hugely (yes I know not appropriate use of the word but I have no other explanation) respect its mad intimidating! I was a little early and so my nerves were amped up. I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s hard to put into words what goes on in an interview. They ask questions and I try to answer them as best as I think possible and pray for the best.

 Afterwards, like right now for example, I replay everything over in my head, whether I want to or not, and cringe at my responses and think of everything that I could have said or done that was infinitely better than what I said or did. Yes I am human; I understand that they understand that, I just wish I could get my brain to understand that. I stuttered and lost my train of thought, completely blanked on the first questions no less (Which should have been no-brainers) and just fumbled and to be fair laughed my way through the half hour. I want this internship because I know that they are amazing People of God and I would be so blessed and honored to serve under them. I have such a desire to go into the ministry and I want to see how the ministry works inside out. All of my Pastors are on-fire Amazing examples of what I want to be like and to serve/work under them would be such an amazing opportunity that I find myself almost aching to be able to have this opportunity. I wish I could have just said that to them 4 ½ hours ago, I do have a lot going on in my life with school and a full and part time job but I really believe that God wanted me to put in an application to do this and so right now I sit here at my computer and wait.

 It’s now ten minutes after midnight and I finally feel a peace. It’s over, now I can relinquish all my pent up anxiety and trust that it doesn’t matter how badly I think I did, if God wants this opportunity for me then I’ll get it. I put myself out there and signed up even though I was absolutely terrified and  I went through the interview trying to be as honest as I could and really express my desire and commitment to be part of the church and their vision. Well now that I got that all off my chest it’s time to get to bed so I can get up early for work in the morning. 

Goodnight All